I really want to love being a mom, but good lord its a stressful job. I wish I didnt feel like a failure to my children. I wish my children would obey me more. I wish my parents wanted to be around my children, more than just picking them up a few days a week. Although I appreciate it more than I can express, they are more than ready to get rid of them within a few hours.
They have only ever slept over their grandparents house once without me. Their cousins on the other hand, have countless times. I digress however since this is not the main point of my nightly rambling.
I listen to my mom rave over one of my nephews, it is clear that there is favortism in my family, and it is not limited to just one child. However again, I digress.
I am frustrated with my lil guys. They are running rampant, and I can not get them to sit down and shut up for five seconds. I know things will get better, or at least I hope they will. Or maybe it will all get worse. Hell I don't know what I am doing, I will figure it out though.
I am sure I am not alone when I say this, and I am sure someone will take this the wrong way, but thats on them.....sometimes I hate being a mother. I would hope that there are others out there that think this way, and I would hope that others out there feel this way.
Oh lawd no you are not alone my friend...motherhood is the most overwhelming underappreciated job out there. I don't think we appreciate our parents until we are older and parents ourselves...and that is only if we have had the blessing of good parents to begin with.
ReplyDeleteMy kids exhaust me...they worry me...I wonder often if I am failing them...but hell I am doing the best I can. I have lost me in the process of helping them be the best THEM they can be.
I do love them dearly and want them to be happy healthy humans who will look back upon a happy childhood and feel secure that they were loved and nurtured...
but I feel like I am often just the laundress, taxi driver, scheduler and make-sure-you-did-this-and-didn't-forget-that-and-please-pick-up-that-mess monger... And I can't even do this properly, apparently, cus the laundry stacks up...the house gets messy, and I forget the occassional appointment...and can't manage to have us in two places at one time... Sometimes my head is ready to explode!
I always intended to be a working career mom... but that was not the way the cookie crumbled. It is difficult to keep all the balls in the air!
I am lucky because my mom IS very good about her grandkids and I feel she treats them all fairly... She tries to take them all in turn...and occassionally will take all 3 of mine... I sometimes get envious that my brother only has the one--and when she takes that one...my brother and his wife are off footlose and fancy free! But taking all 3 of mine can be a challenge. I realize that... and I am lucky she is so good to us as she is...
Their other grandparents live far away so we don't see them often...but it was VERY disappointing and hurtful to go all that way and have her not even make a fuss about them. She was too busy worrying about them dropping crumbs on the floor or spilling anything to spend any time nurturing them or doing anything fun with them. That was sad. She didn't even have a place for them to sleep set up. And she knew for over a year when we were coming--it was for her other son's wedding for god sakes. You don't feel very welcome when they don't even have a place set up for you to sleep... when they think your 8-year-old daughter can sleep in a toddler bed that her live-in 4 year old niece outgrew 2 years ago? Yeah I digress too....but my case in point is...it's not just you.
Love you girl.
April2004MAYMOMS
Being a mom is the most wonderful, passionate, loving, stressful, heartbreaking, hard, horrible job I can think of! I never feel like I measure up. I am often so overwhelmed I fear that I will look back in a few years, or even next week at what a crappy job I've done! And I will regret all my mothering mistakes. But I am only human- and so are you! We are all going to fail sometimes. We just need to keep lifting each other up, stop comparing and do the best we can do today.
ReplyDeleteI have a set of grandparents who make their favorite out of 13 grandkids very clear- and it's none of mine! So we focus on the family members who deserve our attention and love.
Hang in there!