Sibling love and bitterness.

Picture it, Sicily 1985. Or Oakfield 2013, 5:30am. The latter seems more like it! I woke up, turned some music on, and the first two songs that came on were terribly bittersweet.

The first was Bohemian Rhapsody which is the best song to be goofy to. My sister Theresa, my brother Mike, and I, walked into my moms living room and belted out that song as an impromptu gift to our mother. She's loved it ever since, as a matter of fact my whole family has essentially adopted that song as a sort of family theme song.

Second song was Open Arms by Journey. This is a song that I dedicate to my big sister Theresa. It's a song that makes me laugh and cry at the same time. Theresa and I used to lock our little bro Mike in the car and sing this song to him, large gestures included. We tortured that boy with that song, multiple consecutive times!

The reason for the bittersweet feelings for these songs is it reminds me of the best and worst days of mine and my family's lives. Its been TEN years that Mike has left the world. He left us wondering and questioning a lot. It wasn't till this moment that I type this that I realized what happened as I too have experienced the harshness that is suicide. He was caught up in a moment. Not that life was bad everyday all day, but a single moment, a single thought. Irrational moment of thought which begins a train of irrational thinking with a big ass PANIC button that's easy to push and escape with.

As I look over the last two years of my life I realize how selfish it is to commit suicide or even attempt it. Yes, there is a little bit of me that is pissed off at Mike for taking his life. It was not fair to his parents, his friends and certainly not to his siblings.

I may not get along with my siblings every minute of every day, but I certainly wouldn't intentionally hurt them, and if I have, this is my public apology to them for doing so. I am sorry for any wrong I may have done to you all. Damion, Theresa, Mikey, Kaity, Kris, I love you all. And I love the hell out of the demons that have come from yall's loins! LOL.

I am looking forward to seeing my sisters and brothers this weekend while we gather together not to mourn, but to celebrate the life Mike lived in the 19 years while he was here. Love ya kiddo.

Time is a physician that heals every grief. ~ Diphilus